I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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