So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize