Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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