it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
