the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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