That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
