your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
