Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
