I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
