come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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