let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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