Your mouth is God's brothel.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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