you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
