did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
