I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
