I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
