I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
