i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
