Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's the barista slut.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
