Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
