fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize