Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Two words: nipple clamps
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
