My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
