I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
