Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
