dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize