you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
