He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
