You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
