i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
