What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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