Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
