you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize