The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
