I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
