fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
