I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
