i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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