whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
