no, he came in my armpit
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
