i barfeds in our rink
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
