oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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