I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
