Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
