I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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