He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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