I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
