The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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