Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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