Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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