Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
