omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
