Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
