Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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