covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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