You're my little dorito
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
