she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
