I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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