I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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