Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
