Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
