I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
