i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my poor anus
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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